


Genghis Khan

by lesbians_on_ice



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Comedy, Corny, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Superhero Victor Nikiforov, Supervillain Katsuki Yuuri, Tropes, but like on purpose, hostage Yurio, in which Yuuri can't figure out whether to kill the hot superhero or not, so cheesy it'll make you lactose intolerant, the Genghis Khan AU that literally no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 02:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18983749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbians_on_ice/pseuds/lesbians_on_ice
Summary: Yuuri, resident supervillain of Detroit, has the perfect plan this time to take down Agape, his superpowered nemesis. What he doesn't expect, however, is to actually succeed. So what is he supposed to do now with a captured superhero? He didn't really plan this far ahead.Loosely based on the music video to "Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow.





	Genghis Khan

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's been a really long time since I've written fanfiction. I don't know why I decided to start with a Genghis Khan AU, but here we are lmao.  
> I had my girlfriend read this over, and even she cringed at how corny it is. So enjoy!  
> And go listen to "Genghis Khan" by Miike Snow while you're at it!

Yuuri tapped his heeled leather boot impatiently. What was taking him so long? Yuuri was starting to sweat from the nerves and because it was blastedly hot in the dungeon he’d had built for this. Evil minions were a great source of cheap labor for getting construction projects done, but the problem with having brainwashed minions building your dungeons was that they forgot some important features. _Like Air Conditioning._ Yuuri could already feel the leather of his catsuit starting to stick to him, and he grimaced. _Eugh._ Hopefully his cat eye wasn’t smudging. Yuuri may have been a supervillain, but he had a reputation to maintain.

For the past four years of his life, Yuuri had been Detroit’s resident villainous mastermind. To be completely honest, Yuuri wasn’t one hundred percent sure how he’d gotten into the whole “evil” thing—probably a drunken mishap, considering Yuuri’s history—but hey, he had the skillset and bank robbery was a great source of income. Known as “Eros,” Yuuri had managed to bring the entire city to its knees at the young age of twenty with nothing but his own inventions and a very scandalous catsuit on hand, causing an uproar throughout the nation. Suddenly, Yuuri had gone from a dime-a-dozen college kid with a knack for weapon engineering to one of the most famous villains in the country. He would’ve kept the city under his control, too.

If Agape hadn’t shown up.

It was like a miracle. One day, without any warning, a silver haired man wearing a silver and white costume had shown up to challenge Yuuri as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Nobody knew where he had come from or if he was even human, but the man calling himself “Agape” had taken the world by storm, destroying all of Yuuri’s hard work in the matter of days with his litany of superpowers. Yes, unlike Yuuri who relied merely on evil genius, Agape actually had powers—super strength, super speed, flying, the whole lot. It, embarrassingly, hadn’t actually taken much for the superpowered man to take back the city, becoming its self-proclaimed protector and Yuuri’s archnemesis. From then on, the two battled for four years as Yuuri came up with scheme after scheme to take back control of Detroit and, more importantly, _defeat Agape._ If Agape went down, the city was Yuuri’s.

Yuuri had the perfect Evil Plan™ this time.

Granted, he’d said that with the last seven or so Evil Plans™, but this time was different, he swore! This time, he had _everything_ —a kidnapped victim, lasers, death rays, a crocodile moat, a distraction dog, everything! Yuuri was pulling out all the stops this time, and there was NO way Agape could get past them all!

Like he’d gotten past the fire pit. And the doom laser. And the alligator moat.

But this time was different! Crocodiles were _way_ more villainous than alligators! Besides, Yuuri’s makeup looked great, and Yuuri had a feeling! Agape was sure to be stumped trying to save THIS damsel in distress!

“HEY, BDSM BITCH! GET ME A FUCKING SANDWICH!” Okay, maybe damsel in distress was the wrong phrase.

Yuuri sighed, pinching his brow and turning to the blond teenager tied to a chair in the middle of the dungeon. The kid had to be no older than fifteen or sixteen, dressed in a hideous cacophony of animal prints that just screamed “edgy teenager.” Yuuri had thought that kidnapping a kid would make his life easier. He was very wrong. “Do you mind? Agape is going to be here any minute, and you’re the worst hostage ever. You’ve been _kidnapped_ , can’t you act like it?” The blond huffed, rolling his eyes. For an adolescent currently surrounded by a moat full of hungry crocodiles, he looked rather unfazed. In fact, he’d been bitching at Yuuri for food for the past twenty minutes.

“Whatever, get me a PB&J and I’ll _think_ about playing your little ‘hostage.’”

Yuuri cocked an eyebrow. But… he _was_ a hostage? Yuuri groaned. He really needed to start looking into the backgrounds of the people he kidnapped. This kid was like the personification of a 13-year-old who just discovered Wattpad. However, Yuuri simply sighed—fighting with children was a waste of his time. Yuuri had the perfect Evil Plan™ set up, and this kid’s abrasive attitude was ruining the whole mood. “Strawberry or grape jelly?” he asked.

“Strawberry.”

Before Yuuri could leave the dungeon to go make the teen his stupid sandwich, though, there was a loud crash, and a grin bloomed across Yuuri’s face. Finally! He was here! Shit, did his hair look okay? He wanted everything to be perfect when he finally beat Agape into the ground! Yuuri ran over to his swivel chair, taking a seat and quickly whistling at his dog, who came bounding onto his lap. He turned the chair away from the sound and waited for the telltale sound of his wall being destroyed before slowly turning the chair around, petting his dog with a wicked grin. _Super evil._

“Agape! We meet again!” Yuuri greeted the superhero. Agape stood in the new hole in Yuuri’s wall, hands on his hips in a power stance with the silver cape of his costume fluttering in the wind.

“Eros! You wicked fiend! Kidnapping a _child!_ You sure know how to stoop low!” boomed the deep, manly voice of Agape. His long hair twinkled in the evening light behind him, fluttering around along with his cape.

“Oh?” Yuuri chuckled, his pulse racing. Facing off against his archnemesis always gave him a rush. “If you’re so bothered by it, why don’t you try and—“

“HEY!” screeched the voice of Yuuri’s hostage, and he groaned. Oh, what now?! Yuuri awkwardly shuffled side to side, scooting his swivel chair until it faced the blond teenager.

“ _What?_ ”

The kid was pink with anger. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A CHILD, YOU WITHERING HUSK OF AN OLD MAN?!” Yuuri was confused for a second before he realized that the kid was talking to _Agape_. Which made him even more confused.

Agape looked almost offended. “ _Old man?_ ” he muttered to himself in an almost wounded way.

Yuuri pinched the bridge of his nose. This hostage was seriously killing the whole Hero vs. Villain atmosphere he’d worked so hard to create! “Oh my god, can you shut up and act like a damsel in distress for _five minutes?_ ” he snapped. He turned back to look at Agape. “So sorry about him. He’s hungry.”

Agape blinked. “Right… Anyway…”

“Right!” Yuuri cleared his throat, returning to his booming villain voice. “You will never save this innocent child from the clutches of certain death, Agape! Just try and stop me!”

Agape grinned his charming smile. He had nice teeth. “I won’t let you win!” Yuuri grinned. Time to watch his Evil Plan™ finally succeed!

The showdown commenced, and Yuuri essentially had to watch as his perfectly crafted Evil Plan™ completely and utterly _failed._ Agape dodged the missiles with his super speed, wove through the lasers with incredible flexibility, punched the crocodiles with his super strength, and only gave the dog _three_ pets as he passed it. What kind of “hero” could ignore such a good boy?! And he said Yuuri was the evil one! Yuuri watched in horror as Agape easily tore the ropes off of the blond teenager and scooped him into his arms. Yuuri felt like he was being crushed under Agape’s super strong foot. How could such a flawless plan fail?! Yuuri glared from his seat as Agape grinned victoriously.

“Another victim saved from your villainous grasp!” Agape boomed, his incredibly blue eyes locked on Yuuri as the teenager writhed in his arms.

“HEY! PUT ME DOWN, OLD BASTARD!”

“I will take that as a ‘thank you.’”

Yuuri grinned at Agape, hiding how incredibly defeated he felt at this moment. “You may have won this round, Agape, but you haven’t seen the last of me! I will have my revenge! Vicchan!” Yuuri’s dog trotted on over, hopping up into his lap. Yuuri winked at Agape. “Until next time, Super Boy. Escape pod: away!” Yuuri’s swivel chair morphed itself into an escape pod before crashing through the ceiling and flying away.

Agape watched the villain make his escape with a chuckle. “Until next time, Eros.” He turned his attention to the teenager in his arms that had settled on sulking after kicking and screaming had proved ineffective. “Are you okay?”

“Uh, _no!_ I still haven’t gotten my FUCKING SANDWICH!” the boy hollered.

 

“You don’t get it, Phi! He breezed by _everything!_ ” Yuuri sat on his couch, wearing his civilian clothes instead of his leather catsuit of villainy. He cradled a gallon of ice cream in his arms, even more saddened as he imagined just how tight his Eros outfit was going to be on him after this. Beside him, his roommate sat, feeding a hamster pieces of popcorn. “It’s like he wasn’t even bothered. He punched a crocodile, Phichit. A _crocodile!_ ”

Phichit gave his friend a pitying look. “That is rather disheartening, but are you sure you’re approaching this the right way? Eating your weight in rocky road isn’t going to take down Agape.”

Yuuri groaned, taking another bite. “I know, but at least it tastes better than my bitter tears of defeat!”

Phichit sighed, shaking his head. “Yuuri, there has to be a way for you to beat Agape. I mean, come on! You’re a super genius!” Phichit gestured around the room at the array of super inventions Yuuri had created. “I mean, you literally invented so many things trying to take Agape down! The death ray, the freeze ray, the katsudon ray—“

“I made a lot of rays. But none that defeated Agape.” Yuuri looked down forlornly.

Phichit hummed. “Surely you haven’t tried everything? I mean, come on, let’s brainstorm.”

“Try me.”

“What about…a room that closes in on all sides?”

“Tried that. He just punched through the walls.”

“Uh… Heat-seeking missiles…?” the Thai boy tried.

“He outran them.”

Phichit looked deep in thought. “Have you tried seducing him?”

Yuuri threw his hands up in frustration. “Phichit, nothing is ever going to work! No matter what I come up with, he has a super power to counter it! Blunt force? Super strength. Freeze ray? Laser vision. Hell, I just had to return seven crocodiles back to Australia because even they couldn’t lay a claw on him! _And you know international shipping is expensive!_ ” Yuuri dropped his head in his hands. “He’s invincible! Everything I throw at him he can either face head on or easily escape from! There’s no way for me to do anything to him unless he—“ Yuuri stopped. He suddenly looked up, his eyes widening.

Phichit sat forward with interest. He knew that look of mad genius is Yuuri’s eye. “Unless he what, Yuuri?”

Yuuri gaped. He had it. How had he never realized it before?! There was a way to beat Agape! If he couldn’t beat him as he was, then… “ _Unless he didn’t have any powers._ ”

Phichit looked dumbfounded, blinking owlishly at Yuuri as his hamster snuck its way down his arm and into the popcorn bag. “Come again?”

Yuuri had a wild look in his eye. “Don’t you see, Phichit?! I can’t beat him because he has superpowers! If he didn’t then…”

“…He’d just be a normal human!” Phichit’s eyes widened as well for a moment before narrowing again. “Wait, what? That makes no sense. How would you make it so he didn’t have powers?”

Yuuri shook his head. “An invention, of course! Something that when placed on him nullifies his powers!”

Phichit looked unimpressed. “And… you’re planning on doing this _how?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Yuuri admitted, putting the lid back on his ice cream with a look of determination. “But it’s worth a try!”

Yuuri stayed up for _weeks_ working on his next invention. He slaved away at his work desk, drawing up the blueprints and testing out different combinations of materials. It was difficult, finding the right elements to nullify powers like that, but Yuuri was convinced he could do it—if he had managed to complete the matter converter, he could do this! Yuuri worked tirelessly, staying up into the late hours of the night, testing and retesting his invention. It had to be perfect, after all—this was the invention that would finally beat Agape! A month passed, and at 2:38 in the morning, Yuuri finally sat back, admiring his work. He’d done it! He’d really done it! Yuuri held up the gleaming cuffs to the light. The world’s first pair of anti-power handcuffs! Granted, the cuffs were a prototype, but they’d serve their purpose. Yuuri let out a loud evil laugh. There was no way Agape could stop him now—!

“ _Yuuri!_ Do the dishes!” Phichit screamed from the kitchen.

Yuuri groaned, looking toward the doorway with a slouch. “Phichiiiit! I’m in the middle of Evil Planniiiing!”

“Dishes first! Evil can wait!”

 

A week and some washed plates later, and Yuuri had the perfect new Evil Plan™. And this one didn’t even involve a dog! Yuuri cackled to himself as he sat patiently in his swivel chair, waiting for Agape to show up. After four long years of fighting, today was the day!

“Y’know, Yuuri, if you keep maniacally cackling to yourself, I’m going to really start to think something is wrong with you,” Phichit interrupted Yuuri’s evil laughter. Yuuri swiveled his chair to face his friend.

“Hey! Call me Eros! You’re not supposed to know me, remember?” Yuuri chided.

Phichit rolled his eyes. “Right. Was tying me up really necessary, though? I have an itch on my left leg and I can’t scratch it.”

Yuuri stood up, heels clacking as he made his way over to his friend. “Of course it was necessary! If we’re going to sell you as my hostage, you have to look the part!” Yuuri squinted, tilting his head. “In fact… maybe this isn’t convincing enough. Should I rough you up a bit or something?”

“Don’t you dare! I JUST got my hair done!” Phichit squawked. “Besides, this plan is stupid. I don’t see why I have to play the hostage. Couldn’t you just get an evil minion to do it or something?”

Yuuri shook his head. “Phichit, Agape sees my minions all the time! I need someone that there’s no way he’s seen with me before. If we’re going to trick him, we have to—“

“Sell the part, yeah yeah. Can you at least scratch my leg, though? It’s really itchy.”

When Agape finally arrived through the wall like the Koolaid Man, it was to Yuuri kneeling on the ground scratching Phichit’s leg.

“Here?”

“No, a little to the left.”

“Like this?”

“ _Ahh,_ yeah! That’s the spot.”

Agape cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the two dark haired boys. Yuuri scrambled to his feet, suddenly standing up straight. “Ah! Agape! Uh, hi!”

Agape looked mildly amused. “Hi.”

Fuck, he was pretty when he smiled. “Yes! Well. Um.” Yuuri cleared his throat. “Agape!” he boomed. “Prepare yourself! Today is the day I end you once and for all!”

Agape grinned brilliantly. “Is that so?” he teased. Yuuri suddenly felt flustered.

“Y-Yes, that’s right! There’s no way you’ll get past what I have in store for you today! Behold!” Yuuri pulled a remote from his pocket, pressing a big red button. Suddenly, the room broke apart, transforming into what was essentially an obstacle course for superheroes. Spiked pits, a lava moat, deadly lasers, a tiger pit, it really was a great dungeon. But that wasn’t the point. Agape surveyed the room, smirking and shooting Yuuri a wink before getting started. As anticipated, Agape breezed through all the obstacles with ease. The power of flying alone was enough to get Agape through a great deal of it, and besides, it was all nothing that Yuuri hadn’t tried before. The difference was that this time, Yuuri knew it wouldn’t work.

When Agape finally reached Phichit, laser eyes burning through the ropes and releasing him, he scooped the Thai man into his arms as he always did to Yuuri’s hostages. “Another innocent saved from the clutches of evil!” Agape announced victoriously. “You’ve been foiled again, Eros! Now, run away to whatever lair you come from before I—“ Suddenly, though, there was a loud click. Agape blinked, looking down to where Phichit had snapped a pair of handcuffs onto his wrists. He looked puzzled. “Citizen? What are you—?" Agape attempted to break the cuffs by pulling his wrists apart, but they wouldn’t budge. His eyes widened. “What—?”

“Holy shit, that actually worked,” Phichit remarked, squirming out of Agape’s grasp and landing on the floor with an unceremonious thud as Agape stared in confusion at his hands.

“What… did you do to me?” Agape murmured, brows furrowed.

Yuuri smirked, sauntering over to Agape with his heels clicking every step. “Those are anti-power handcuffs. You’re powerless now.”

Agape looked up in alarm. “What? That’s impossible! Let me just—“ Agape yanked his wrists apart again, but the cuffs held fast. He stared really hard at them as if trying to use his laser vision, but nothing happened. In a panic, Viktor tried running only to find that his pace was that of an average human’s, and in a last ditch effort, he leapt into the air to fly only to come crashing down. Agape fell to his knees, staring in shock at the handcuffs. “I can’t use my powers…” He looked up at Yuuri, gaping. “You… You caught me.”

Yuuri grinned victoriously. The cuffs worked. He’d… He’d done it! Agape was at his feet, completely powerless! Yuuri felt giddy, excitement bubbling in his chest. “That’s right!” he laughed. “After all these years, I’ve finally beaten the amazing Agape!”

“Woohoo!” cheered Phichit, leaping to Yuuri’s side. “You’ve done it Eros! I admit I doubted you a bit, but Agape is powerless! Now, what will you do with him?”

Yuuri paused. Wait, what? “Come again?”

“You know, what are you going to do with Agape now? I mean, you’ve caught him and everything. So now what?” Phichit asked again.

Yuuri stroked his chin in thought. “I… I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

Phichit stared at Yuuri blankly. “So… you have no plan.”

“None.”

Phichit sighed. “Eros, I love you, but you are incredibly useless. What kind of supervillain doesn’t have a plan for disposing of the superhero?”

Yuuri blinked. “Wait, what? _Disposing of him?_ ”

“Well, yeah. Why ELSE would you go through the effort of kidnapping him?” Phichit deadpanned.

Yuuri smiled sheepishly. “Uh… the evil aesthetic?”

“You really are the worst villain ever.”

Meanwhile, Agape knelt on the floor, watching the two argue with an eyebrow cocked. He cleared his throat. Yuuri jumped, turning to face Agape. “Ah… right! Um…” _Shit,_ Phichit had a point. What WAS he supposed to do now? He hadn’t really planned past capturing Agape this time around, and in the past, he had kind of relied on his traps doing the work for him. But… to dispose of Agape… Yuuri gulped. “Um. I guess… I’m supposed to kill you now?” he tried. Agape stared at him blankly. “Well, come on, at least look scared.”

“This whole thing would be a lot scarier if you looked like you had any clue what you were doing,” Agape pointed out.

Yuuri flushed. “I-I DO KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! I just… got a little flustered is all!” Yuuri lied. “A-Anyway…” Yuuri gulped. Now what? He had to kill Agape, but… how? He had a few rays on him (including the katsudon ray in case he got hungry), but… “I… I’m taking you back to my Evil Lair! I’ll dispose of you there!” Yuuri decided. There! That’d buy him some time!

Agape looked unimpressed. “Your Evil Lair?”

“Well, my apartment.”

“Uh-huh.” Agape’s stare was like ice. He looked almost bored.

Yuuri wanted to curl up under a rock and die. “R-Right, so…” Yuuri approached the superhero, picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder, only to stumble a bit. “ _Fuck!_ ” Yuuri cursed. “How much do you _weigh?_ ”

Agape made an offended sound. “Wow, making fun of my weight? Real mature.”

“What? N-No! I… I didn’t mean… Your body looks great!”

Phichit snickered. “Great, huh?”

Yuuri went beat red. “Shut up, Phichit.” He carried Viktor toward the escape pod.

Agape hummed. “The view from here isn’t bad, either.” It took Yuuri a moment to figure out what Agape was talking about. Then he realized that Agape’s view was of Yuuri’s leather-clad ass. He squeaked, turning pink.

“E-ESCAPE POD, AWAY!”

 

“So… how are you going to kill him?” Phichit asked from his seat on the couch.

Yuuri shoveled katsudon in his mouth. The katsudon ray never made it quite like his mom did. “I… I don’t know,” he replied, feeling rather stumped. “I’ve never had to actually kill someone before.”

Phichit sighed. “Well, surely you realize that he can’t stay locked in the bathroom forever, right?” The apartment only had two bedrooms, so they’d had no choice but to temporarily convert their bathroom into a dungeon. “Besides, he’s, like, your worst enemy. So why are you stumbling?”

“I’m not stumbling!” Yuuri said defensively. “I’m just… waiting for the right moment is all.”

“…Right. Well, if you’re not going to kill him, can you at least send your evil minions home for the day?” Phichit gestured to the uniformed men surrounding them. “It’s kind of crowded in here.”

“I-I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! Just watch!” Yuuri snapped his fingers at the evil minions. “Take the prisoner to the death ray!”

When Yuuri finally finished his food, he made his way into the bedroom, where Agape laid on a bench under the death ray, immobilized by metal constraints as well as the handcuffs that Yuuri dared not take off of him. The superhero looked up at Yuuri boredly.

“You guys have mold in your shower. Just letting you know,” Agape said. Yuuri flushed.

“Oh, um, thank you… But, uh, prepare yourself!” Yuuri took a remote from one of the minions. On it was two blatantly labeled buttons: “Kill” and “Release.” Yuuri went over to the death ray, powering it up before walking to Agape’s side. Yuuri’s thumb hovered over the “Kill” button as he looked at Agape. “Today, you die!”

Agape stared up at the glowing charge of the death ray with an almost wistful expression. “Okay.”

Yuuri blinked, pausing. “Wait, what? ‘Okay’?”

Agape merely glanced at Yuuri. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Aren’t you, like… scared or something? I mean, this ray can literally melt your face off.”

“Not really.”

“Oh, uh…” Yuuri was at a loss. Why did every hostage he take have to suck at being a hostage?! “Well, prepare to die anyway? Or don’t, I guess.”

Agape made a small grunting sound that Yuuri found oddly cute. Agape shifted awkwardly in his restraints. “I do have a favor to ask of you, though.”

Yuuri blinked. A favor? “Uh… What kind of favor? Because I know I have the whole sex aesthetic thing going, but that doesn’t mean—“

“ _No._ I wanted to ask you if you’ll take care of my dog.”

Yuuri gaped. “Your… Your dog…? _You have a dog?!_ ”

Agape huffed. “Yes, I have a dog. And I figured since you’re going to be killing me and everything, the least you could do was take care of her. Plus, you have a dog, too, so I thought you’d probably be a good home for her at least.”

Yuuri was startled and… touched that Agape trusted him with his dog. A man’s dog was a man’s heart, after all. No, scratch that—dogs were way more important. Yuuri felt himself tearing up a bit and batted at his eyes. _Fuck, his eyeliner!_ “Y-Yeah. I’ll take care of your dog. In fact…” Yuuri paused for a moment. “What’s your address? I’ll go get her now. That way… she can at least say goodbye.” Yuuri was tearing up again. Oh god. How was he supposed to kill a man with a dog?! He was going to break the poor puppy’s heart! He wasn’t such a cruel bastard as to just kill a man without letting him say goodbye to his dog! Suddenly, Yuuri slammed the “Release” button on his remote, and the metal constraints holding Viktor came off. “You live today. I’ll- I’ll kill you tomorrow. For now, I’m getting your dog.”

Viktor gave Yuuri his address, and Yuuri took the swivel chair escape pod to Agape’s apartment. When he entered, he was met with… Yuuri blinked. He was met with a… really normal looking apartment. No super inventions, no alien artifacts, no sign of any kind that a superhero lived there. Just plain modern furniture and a rather sparsely decorated living space. In fact… it lacked so much personalization that it was kind of sad. What kind of life did Agape live outside of his superhero career? Yuuri found himself… insanely curious.

Yuuri began to search the apartment. He looked through the living room, pulling every book on the bookshelf in case one revealed a secret passage or something, but all he found was that Agape was a fan of really shitty romance novels. He searched the kitchen, finding nothing but beer and a bottle of ketchup in the fridge and cooking appliances that looked like they were never used. Yuuri wandered down the hallway, trying doors and finding the closet, the bathroom, and finally the bedroom. And in the bedroom was… “Awwwe! What a good puppy!” Yuuri cooed as he saw the standard poodle curled up on her bed. The dog’s head perked up, her tongue lolling out happily, and Yuuri patted his thighs to beckon her. She came trotting on over, and Yuuri began lavishing her in pets and affection. “You look just like my Vicchan! Who’s a good girl? Who’s a good girl?” Yuuri said in a disgustingly loving voice, feeling his heart melt as the puppy wagged her tail. “That’s right! It’s you!” Yuuri spent about twenty minutes giving the dog attention before (reluctantly) standing up from his spot on the floor. He still had snooping to do.

Yuuri searched the closet, finding that Agape apparently dressed rather nicely in his day-to-day life. Lots of button-downs, slacks, and loafers filled the space, but even as Yuuri rummaged past the articles of clothing, he couldn’t find anything else of interest hidden there. He checked under the bed next, but besides a couple of dog toys, there was nothing under there, either. SURELY Agape had some sort of personalization SOMEWHERE in his apartment? _Right?_ As a last ditch effort, Yuuri began to rummage through the nightstand. The first drawer contained…a rather impressive collection of thongs. Yuuri held up a lacy pair and felt his face heat up as he imagined for a moment Agape wearing these as he battled Yuuri for the 72nd time. Yuuri quickly put those back, shutting the drawer.

Yuuri went into the other drawer of the nightstand, blindly rummaging through it and pulling out… a pair of handcuffs? This peaked Yuuri’s interest. What was Agape doing with handcuffs? Were they for the criminals he caught? Yuuri kept rummaging, pulling out several more things: some rope, a blindfold, and a large bottle of lotion. Yuuri’s curiosity was piqued. What exactly did Agape DO with his captured criminals? He dug through some more, and this time, it got really strange. Yuuri pulled out some sort of ring attached to several small spheres that tapered in size as they went down the rubber string connecting them. Yuuri felt the contraption, stretching and bending it curiously. What was this? Some sort of torture device? What ELSE was in this drawer? But the next time Yuuri reached in ended up being the last as he pulled out a very realistically shaped purple dildo and realized all at once what this drawer was and that _oh god he had just been playing with Agape’s anal beads._ Yuuri shrieked, furiously gathering up everything and unceremoniously dumping it back in the drawer before slamming it shut. Okay, that was enough snooping. Yuuri called the dog, putting her on a leash he found by the front door and leading her to the escape pod.

Yuuri spent the whole ride home furiously trying to cool down the heat in his face.

 

When Yuuri got home, Agape was sitting on the couch, and Yuuri tried really hard not to spout out _‘I found your sex drawer.’_ Instead, Yuuri stared with confusion at the superhero who was on his couch and not in the bathroom where he belonged.

“How’d you get out of the bathr-dungeon?” he asked. Agape gave him an amused look.

“You left the door unlocked.”

“Ah.” Yuuri was an idiot sometimes. “I’m surprised you didn’t just leave.”

Agape scoffed. “What, and leave my dog? You’re out of your mind. Speaking of… Makkachin!” Agape grinned, patting his lap, and the dog pulled so hard on her leash that Yuuri dropped it, allowing her to bound over to Agape and hop onto his lap. The poodle licked Agape’s face furiously, making the hero laugh, and Yuuri had to fight down a blush because _oh god Agape looked really handsome when he laughed._

Yuuri needed to change the subject. “So… a poodle, huh? Funny coincidence that we’d have the same kind of dog.” After all, Yuuri had gotten Vicchan because a skater he’d admired as a child had one. He’d even named the puppy after him.

Agape smiled a little. “Indeed. I’ve always loved that you brought yours with you when we battled. Nothing made my day more than getting to see a cute puppy every time I rescued someone from you.”

Yuuri huffed. “Well, it was supposed to be a _distraction._ Apparently not a very good one, considering you only gave Vicchan _three_ pets last time you saw him. What kind of wicked bastard only gives a dog _three_ pets?”

Agape looked dumbfounded. “You… used the _dog_ as part of your evil plans? Now _that’s_ wicked.” Agape gave Makkachin some scratches behind her ears. “So, Vicchan is his name? I’ve always wondered.”

“Uh… Yeah,” Yuuri answered. “It’s short for ‘Viktor.’ I named him after someone I used to admire growing up.”

“’Viktor,’ huh?” Agape gave a small smile. “Interesting name.”

Yuuri and Agape began chatting about their dogs in more detail, and when Phichit got home, it was to the scene of Yuuri and Agape sitting on the couch together, laughing as Agape told a particularly funny story about a time Makkachin tried to chase a goose. Phichit stared at the scene blankly before just deciding to go into the kitchen for some leftover pizza. _Those two idiots will figure it out._

 

The next day, Yuuri had the minions strap Agape under the death ray again. He got dressed, putting on his catsuit and slicking back his hair. He leaned close to the vanity mirror as he carefully did his eyeliner.

“You know, you don’t have to get all dressed up in your villain outfit. I’ve already seen you in your PJs,” Agape pointed out.

Yuuri sighed, looking at Agape with only one wing of eyeliner done. “It’s for the atmosphere! If I’m going to kill you, I don’t want to do it in my sleepwear!”

“Yeah, but it kind of kills the atmosphere when you’re getting dressed five feet away from me.” Agape smirked. “Not that I’m complaining of course.”

Yuuri felt his face grow hot. “Can’t you, like, beg for your life or something while I’m getting ready? It’d be nice if I could have a decent hostage for once.”

“Sure, sure,” Agape said, clearing his throat. “’AH! Help! Don’t kill me, Eros! I haven’t gotten to see enough of your voluptuous thighs to die yet!’ How’s that?” Yuuri gave an unamused look, and Agape grinned.

Yuuri finished his makeup before grabbing the death ray remote from the dresser. “Okay! Any last words, Agape?”

“A question, actually,” Agape replied. He nodded his head to the right, gesturing toward the table where Yuuri’s collection of rays sat. “What’s a ‘katsudon ray’?” he asked.

Yuuri gasped. “You don’t know what katsudon is?!” he exclaimed.

Agape looked confused. “Uh… no?”

Yuuri gaped. Suddenly, he slammed his finger against the “Release” button, freeing Agape once again. “Okay, you get one more day to live. I’m not so cruel that I’d let you die without ever tasting katsudon!” Yuuri grabbed Agape by the wrist before snatching the katsudon ray from the table and dragging both out into the living room.

The whole ordeal turned out to be completely worth it for Yuuri to get to see the way Agape’s face lit up when he tasted katsudon for the first time.

 

The next day, almost like routine, Viktor was strapped down under the death ray again, and Yuuri stood by, holding the remote. Once more, he asked, “Any last words, Agape?” as his finger hovered over the “Kill” button.

“Another question.”

Yuuri sighed. “Yes?”

“Did you used to ice skate?”

Yuuri blinked in surprise. “Uh… yes? How did you know?”

Agape nodded his head toward the small display of medals on Yuuri’s wall. “You have quite a few medals. I’m surprised I never saw you before. I used to skate competitively, too.”

Yuuri gasped. “You skate?” he asked, excitement bubbling within him.

Agape laughed. “Yes, you can certainly say that.”

Yuuri hesitated again. One… One more day wouldn’t hurt, right…? “If I take you out, you won’t try to run, will you?”

“Without my powers, I wouldn’t get very far, anyway.”

Yuuri pressed the “Release” button. “We’re going skating,” he declared.

Skating with Agape, it turned out, was one of the most fun things Yuuri had ever done. The man was inhumanly beautiful on the ice. He took off his cape, and without it, Yuuri could almost imagine that Agape was a professional figure skater in costume, gliding across the ice like he was born for it. Even with the handcuffs on, his motions were fluid and graceful, and the sight of it was almost familiar to Yuuri. Eventually, Agape held out his bound hands to Yuuri, beckoning him to join him on the ice, and Yuuri wouldn’t dare pass up the opportunity. Ignoring the stares and screams of civilians freaking out over the resident supervillain being there with their hero in handcuffs, Yuuri skated with Agape, making up an improvised pair routine as they glided across the ice together. Yuuri flushed as Agape smiled at him with an unreadable look in his eye, lifting him in the air easily despite not having his super strength.

Yuuri’s heart began to pound.

 

“Hey, Eros, can I sleep with you tonight?” Agape asked as they returned to the apartment after skating.

“W-What?!” Yuuri shrieked.

Agape pouted. “Pleeease? Sleeping in the bathtub is so uncomfortable, and if I sleep with you, then you don’t have to worry about me getting away.”

Yuuri blushed. He guessed… that made sense. “F-Fine,” Yuuri muttered under his breath, and Agape gave a heart shaped smile.

Agape, it turned out, was a sleep cuddler. Or at least, that’s what Yuuri assumed, since there was no way Agape would be spooning him otherwise. Yuuri tried to carefully extricate himself from it at first, but he didn’t want to wake the hero up, so he eventually just sighed and snuggled into it, leaning back against that warm, broad chest.

 

Days passed, and Yuuri and Agape fell into a sort of routine: get up, eat breakfast, strap Agape to the death ray, find some excuse to release him, and hang out for the rest of the day. They’d gone on walks to the park with their dogs, shopping, skating some more, and sometimes they even just stayed home and watched shitty romantic comedies on the couch together. Quite frankly, it was getting ridiculous what kinds of excuses Yuuri was finding for releasing the superhero. On the tenth day, when Yuuri’s reasoning was simply because his eyeliner wasn’t even today and ‘he wouldn’t dare kill his archnemesis with shitty eyeliner!’ Phichit finally spoke up.

“Yuuri, what are you doing?” Phichit asked.

Yuuri cringed. Agape was taking a nap on the couch with his head on Yuuri’s lap. “Hm? What do you mean?” Yuuri feigned ignorance.

Phichit just gave him a look. “Yuuri, it’s been ten days. And Agape is very clearly not dead.”

Yuuri sighed. “I know, I know. I’m just… waiting for the right timing is all!”

Phichit gave Yuuri a pitying look. “Are you sure that’s what it is? You’re sure that you’re not just, I don’t know, making excuses because you _don't want to kill him?_ ”

Yuuri froze. N-No… Surely that wasn’t it? “N-No! I… I want to kill him! He’s… he’s my nemesis! He just… has a good dog, and he skates, and he looks really pretty when he eats katsudon—“ Yuuri snapped his mouth shut. “I-I MEAN! Not pretty at all!”

Phichit gave Yuuri a long look before finally just sighing. “Look, if you’re not going to kill Agape, then you might as well let him go.”

Yuuri startled. “W-What?”

“There’s no point in keeping him hostage here. I mean, even with him out of commission, you haven’t even tried to overthrow the city, so what’s the point? You might as well let him go and go back to the game of cat and mouse you guys used to play. You always had fun doing it, after all.”

Yuuri was paralyzed. He… He didn’t know what to say. Let Agape go? But… But if he did that… And suddenly, Yuuri realized that Phichit was right. Yuuri… had no good reason to keep him here. If he wasn’t going to kill him, then it only made sense to just let him go. But then what was the point of all of this? Spending days with Agape, laughing and having fun together… Was there a reason for it if it wasn’t a precursor to Agape’s death? And if he let him go, then what then? Would they just go back to how they used to be, coming up with stupid plans to foil each other? What was the point?

Agape stirred on Yuuri’s lap, and Yuuri looked down at the sleeping face. Agape was so pretty. He had such long eyelashes fanning over his slightly flushed cheeks, such pretty pink lips that were slightly parted as he slumbered. Yuuri felt a knot twisting in his chest.

What was he supposed to do?

 

The next day, the routine began the same as usual. He and Agape woke up and shared a really quiet breakfast. Yuuri got dressed, squeezing into his catsuit, but the sexy leather didn’t seem to give him the confidence boost today. Yuuri slicked back his hair and did his eyeliner, staring solemnly at himself in the mirror. Agape came in and lied down on the bench—he didn’t even need the evil minions to escort him in anymore—allowing Yuuri to fix the metal constraints around him. He fixed Yuuri with an unreadable expression as Yuuri powered up the death ray. Finally, Yuuri turned to face Agape, lip quivering a little. His thumb hovered over the “Kill” button on his remote, and he asked as he always did, “So… Any last words today?”

Agape continued to stare at Yuuri in that strange way. Finally, after several moments, he just said, “No. I think I’ve said enough.”

Yuuri took a deep breath. “O-Okay then…” He held up his finger, preparing to hit the button, but… he found himself hesitating. Phichit’s words hung heavy in his mind: “Are you sure you want to kill him?” Yuuri… Yuuri didn’t know. How was he supposed to know?! Up until this point, he’d done everything because it was what he was supposed to do, from taking down the hero to strapping him under the death ray, but was any of it what Yuuri _wanted_ to do? Yuuri felt… something for Agape. The man was gorgeous, always pristine and beautiful, and yet also a soft goofball who loved his dog more than anything. Agape was Yuuri’s nemesis, yes, but he was also the man who cried over _The Breakfast Club_ and read way too many shitty romance novels. He was the man who lifted Yuuri in the air when they skated and cuddled Yuuri in bed at night. Agape was…

Agape was someone important to Yuuri.

In one quick motion, Yuuri pressed the “Release” button on his remote. Agape looked up, an expression of surprise on his face. Yuuri stared hard at the ground. “The key to your cuffs is hidden in the sock drawer,” Yuuri said, eyes not lifting from the ground. “Take it and go.” Yuuri turned around, unable to face Agape. “I… I won’t come after you. Not for a while, at least, so… I’ll see you next time we battle, I guess.”

“Yuuri.”

Yuuri startled as he heard his name. He turned around slowly with wide eyes to find Agape standing just a couple feet away from him. “H-How… How do you know my…?”

“I wasn’t asleep yesterday.”

“O-Oh…” Yuuri looked at the ground. “Um… well, you don’t have to stay locked up here anymore. I’m sorry for keeping you prisoner for so long…”

“ _Yuuri._ ” Yuuri looked up again, and Agape was giving him a sort of small smile. Suddenly, in one swift motion, Agape yanked his wrists apart, and the cuffs immediately broke.

Yuuri gaped as he watched the chain of the cuffs shatter so easily. “W-Wait… What-?”

“Yuuri, the cuffs stopped working days ago. I realized it when I picked you up skating that I had my super strength back.”

Yuuri’s brows furrowed. Wait… that meant… “You’ve had your powers this whole time?”

“Since the third day, yes, I have.”

Yuuri’s head was spinning. “T-Then… why…? You could’ve just escaped—“ he stammered.

Agape chuckled, taking a step closer to Yuuri. “Isn’t it obvious?”

No, it wasn’t obvious at all! But Agape stepped even closer to Yuuri until their chests almost touched, and Yuuri felt his heart racing. “N-No… Why would you…? Unless…” Did… Did Yuuri dare hope that it was because…?

Agape grinned, one hand going to Yuuri’s chin, tilting it up. “The same reason I never threw you in prison all these years even though I easily could. _I like you,_ Yuuri.”

Yuuri went as red as a tomato. “Y-You—You like… _me?_ ”

“Well, I wasn’t sleep cuddling you, that’s for sure.”

Yuuri’s heart was beating a mile a minute. He bit his bottom lip, looking anywhere but at that handsome grin on Agape’s face. “O-Oh.”

“’Oh’? So…?”

“So?”

“What do you say?”

Yuuri looked down at the ground for a minute, his face on fire, before gazing up at Agape through his lashes with a small smile. “ _Kiss me,_ Agape!”

“Call me Viktor.”

So they did.

 

Yuuri had the perfect Evil Plan™ this time.

Granted, he’d said that with the last Evil Plan™, and look where _that_ had ended up, but this time was different, he swore! This time, he had _everything_ —a kidnapped teenager, trip wires, katsudon rays, a piranha moat, _two_ distraction dogs, everything! Yuuri had everything set up perfectly, and there was no way Viktor would get past him this time!

The teenager, Yurio as he’d been nicknamed, sat in his chair eating a sandwich. He came over once a week to be Yuuri’s hostage. It had been a pretty easy bargain, actually—get kidnapped for a few hours a week in exchange for free food—and Yuuri had grown fond of the surly kid.

“Hey, BDSM bitch, where’s your boyfriend? I have homework to do!”

Ah, some things never changed.

As if on cue, Viktor broke down the wall in his trademark entrance, and the two dogs immediately barked and ran to him with their tails wagging. Viktor chuckled, kneeling down to pet the puppies, and Yuuri smiled fondly at the display.

“Hello, Agape,” Yuuri said in only a _slightly_ flirtatious tone.

“Good afternoon, Eros,” Viktor hummed back, shooting him a wink.

“HEY, OLD MAN! Hurry up and rescue me already! I ain’t got all day!” Yurio snapped with his mouth full of PB&J.

Viktor chuckled. He was fond of Yuuri’s weekly hostage as well. “Okay, okay. What do you have in store for me today, Eros?”

Yuuri grinned. “Oh, the usual—lasers, death rays, violent animals, dogs, the whole lot. Oh! And a secret weapon.”

Viktor raised an eyebrow. “A secret weapon? What kind of secret weapon?” He smirked.

Yuuri hummed, winking. “I guess you’ll just have to get past everything to find out.”

Yurio gagged. “Can you two stop flirting so I can go home?”

As per usual, Viktor got past everything with ease, though he did stop to give the dogs their fair share of pets this time around. He weaved through the lasers, cut through the trip wires with laser vision, flew over the piranha moat, and ate the katsudon. By the time he got to Yurio, though, the teen had already gotten bored and left, leaving the hero alone with the villain.

Yuuri sauntered over to Viktor, stopping just in front of him, and Viktor smirked. “Seems the hostage is saved,” Viktor joked. “But I still haven’t gotten to see your secret weapon.”

Yuuri smiled, tilting his head a little. “Are you sure you can handle it, Agape? This one is really going to knock you off your feet.”

“I’ve survived your lasers, your death rays, your minions, your vicious animals, and even your charms,” Viktor said. “I’m sure I can take anything you can throw at me.”

When Yuuri got down on one knee and pulled out the little box containing the golden ring, though, Viktor feel to his knees, hands covering his mouth. Yuuri slid the ring onto Viktor’s finger, and Viktor swept him into his arms, floating in the air as he kissed him.

Today’s Evil Plan™ was a success.


End file.
